Black Swan (2010)

Directed by Darren Aronofsky / Written by Mark Heyman, Andrés Heinz and John McLaughlin






When I was younger, I dreamt of becoming a ballet dancer; Not young enough though, as I was already too old to start dancing professionally. It was tough for a 10-year-old to realize having already missed something just because you didn't think of it sooner. It was also around that time in my life when I began to notice how loathsome most girls my age were, vicious in their gossiping and slutty in their stupid behavior around boys. I became a misogynist, hating my own gender, yet in love with the elegance of a female body in movement.


The Black Swan made me remember that young girl long since, yet not entirely, gone. Nina reminded me of her, isolated from the others by her introvert talent, torn between the love for the dance and her relationship with the instrument for it, her body. It was like watching different sides of physical being battle: the sexual against the spiritual, the visible against the hidden, the artistic grace against the survival instinct. A beautiful dance-like struggle where there are no winners.


The movie was admirably well directed. From the beginning I felt it was like stepping into an alternate reality where I had to doubt everything: is what I'm seeing actually happening or is it another hallucination? And the pacing of the story, following the storyline of the actual ballet in question, my god how it sucked me in, the camerawork making me a part of the furious dancing and whirling of the characters and emotions. When the end titles started to roll, I found myself sitting on the edge of my seat, jaw-dropped, hands clenched in fists and tears streaming down my face. I had lived the dance. I had been the swan, both of them.


To this day, I still dream of dancing ballet. That search for perfection in movement and physical expression fascinates me to no end. Now after seeing The Black Swan I think a part of that dream has been fulfilled: Even if not physically, on a spiritual level I have experienced the fury and thrill of performing a masterpiece choreography, no matter how gruesome a way. It was a trip and truly worth taking. "It was perfect."